Nikhil Taneja returns with more conversations and continues to promote men opening up about their emotions in the new season of Be A Man Yaar, featuring beloved celebrities. In an exclusive conversation with The Pioneer, he discusses the theme, recalling the stories of celebrities and more
Tejal Sinha
2023 saw India’s first-ever chat show on positive masculinity with Yuvaa’s popular show Be A Man Yaar, by The Man Company. While the first season saw Naseeruddin Shah, Karan Johar, Vicky Kaushal and Zakir Khan, among the rest, start the much-needed conversation around men and see an astonishing response, the second season has already been making waves with Javed Akhtar, Kartik Aaryan, Bhuvan Bam and Imran Khan.
With more men, laughs, love, hugs and vulnerability, an ecstatic Nikhil Taneja has taken up the seat, engaging in candid conversations. “I could have only hoped but not expected the overwhelming response to Season 1 of Be A Man, Yaar,” shares the media entrepreneur in an exclusive interaction with The Pioneer. As he shares the response, he reiterates his belief that there is space in the media and entertainment sector, as well as among audiences, for gentler, more empathetic and more intimate conversations involving men.
So what’s up with Season 2? This season, he says, they have tried to maintain the goal of creating a safe space on the internet for positive masculine conversations.
“There’s a belief system that the only kind of masculinity that exists or is lauded is the alpha masculine or hyper-masculine because we see that in pop culture and in films time and again,” shares Nikhil, adding, “It leads us to believe that perhaps this is what the audiences want, but the fact is that we have never given an alternative to the audiences. We have always reinforced gender stereotypes by showcasing a certain kind of ‘heroic’ masculinity, so it just made me feel so grateful that the audiences showed up for an alternative. It proves that there are many masculinities possible and we need to hold space for softer masculinities as well.”
With Be A Man, Yaar, Nikhil aimed to reclaim the idea of the phrase ‘Be a man’, that’s often used to ask men to not cry, to toughen up, to not express pain and to not be emotional or vulnerable, rather ‘it’s okay to express’.
“Everything I heard from any guest, no matter how difficult or different it was from my own story, I felt like I was able to see my own stories in theirs,” affirms Nikhil. Whether it was Nakuul Mehta speaking of not being able to hug his father, Karan Johar speaking of being called unkind names in school, or Vicky Kaushal speaking about not being able to cry. “That’s the incredible thing about listening to the raw stories of those who may seem to be unlike you—you realise that we are all the same in the kind of emotions we feel and how difficult it is, especially for us men, to be able to find spaces to speak of these emotions.”
When you have a theme like Be A Man, Yaar, he believes that it encourages men to have deep, personal conversations, which, in fact, is not easy for everyone to agree to let their guard down and to be a part of a show like that. For instance, “So when someone like Kartik Aaryan, who is so widely known and loved, agrees to bring his most authentic self to a show like ours, it is an indication to his fans and so many others that these conversations are necessary, important and meaningful.” True that! Today, despite Kartik being one of the leading actors of the B-Town, he still spoke about his fear of being ‘unfit’.
With people having a notion that men can work and fit anywhere, he further highlights, “The stereotype there is that men can work and fit anywhere that’s acceptable by society as a conventionally male profession. There are professions where the name in itself typically has ‘man’ associated with it because it’s expected only of men to do it, like ‘fireman’, or ‘watchman’. Even in sports, it was called ‘batsman’ until women started playing just as well and they changed the term to ‘batter’. But whenever men want to take not-so mainstream professions, they are discouraged and told that they are unfit for them, just as women and other genders are discouraged from taking up things typically expected to be done by men. In an ideal society, everyone should have equal rights to be whoever they want to be. We are definitely getting there, but slowly.”
When men speak about their depressive thoughts, they are either thought of or shamed as ‘weak’, or are expected to get better on their own because they are men. There’s very little space given to the mental health of men, as men are always expected to be on top of their emotional health—except when it comes to anger.
Talking of men’s mental health, there was also a time when Nikhil battled anxiety, making him put a pause on his career, take a sabbatical and reevaluate life choices, which led him on a more introspective and empathetic path. With several panic attacks and emotional breakdowns, he somehow took up the courage to battle the stigma that comes with seeking therapy.
In his most recent episode, Imran Khan shared that he had trouble recognising his anxiety at first. He described waking up at 4 a.m, feeling his heart racing and struggling to breathe and staying awake until sunrise. This ongoing discomfort caused him to open up to his mother about feeling powerless and inept. He encountered criticism from those who dismissed therapy and emotional vulnerability as weaknesses when seeking help.
“How do you respect a man who’s not earning, not going to work, or just crying about his feelings? That narrative weighed heavily on me,” he expressed.
We often do not have enough conversations about failure in society with men. Men are often looked at as ‘return on investments’, for a lot of our countrymen are supposed to be breadwinners to support the dreams and aspirations of the whole family and sometimes to just put food on the table. While Kartik spoke about rejections in his career, Nikhil shared, “In such a situation, where the worth of men is reduced to how much money they can make for their families, any time they face failure, it’s not just taken as ‘rejection’, but as the difference between the family’s survival and livelihood. Every rejection then adds up in the minds of men and they see themselves as unable to live up to their gender, by not being able to earn enough. We need men to become comfortable with the idea of failure as a way of life and not take it personally to the level of harming themselves or others.”
