As marriages across India increasingly unravel — some ending in quiet separations, others in tragic violence — voices from both sides of the gender divide are growing louder. From women’s rights activists spotlighting deep-rooted patriarchy to men’s rights advocates questioning legal bias, the institution of marriage is under urgent scrutiny. Through powerful personal accounts and expert insights, The Pioneer unpacks why modern relationships are fraying — and what it will take to rebuild trust, equality, and empathy in the age of individualism
Needhi Gattani
Marriages that once celebrated diamond jubilees are now increasingly ending in courtrooms or coffins. Adjustment, once a cornerstone of commitment, is now often perceived as emotional exhaustion. Rising education, greater awareness, and improved access to legal systems have empowered men and women to walk out of unhappy marriages.
On one hand, International Badminton Player, Saina Nehwal recently announced her separation — a mature, mutual decision that underscores how people today are choosing mental peace over societal pressure. But on the other hand, the headlines are also filled with far darker realities. In Patna, a young woman was brutally murdered by her husband, shocking the nation with the sheer savagery of the act. And then, in a chilling reversal of roles, came the Raja Raghuvanshi case — where a husband was allegedly killed and dismembered by his wife and her accomplices. These are not isolated incidents but fragments of a larger, disturbing mosaic — one where love, trust, and betrayal are clashing in deeply disturbing ways.
Psychology behind modern marriage struggles
“Gen Z individuals are sceptical of traditional marriages due to rising divorce rates, exposure to failed relationships and prioritisation of personal freedom, mental health and financial independence as well,” says Dr. Neelsha Bherwani, Counsellor & Psychotherapist, Apollo Spectra Hospital, Delhi. She adds, “The main reasons for the same include economic insecurity, fear of emotional dependency, trauma from past relationships, desire for self-growth, and rejection of traditional gender roles. They also view legal marriage as unnecessary for emotional partnerships that value flexibility and individual fulfilment.”
Dr. Sapare Rohit, Consultant Psychiatry, SPARSH Hospital, Bangalore, notes that staying in unhappy marriages leads to long-term psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-worth, emotional numbness, and even complex PTSD. Over time, it affects self-identity and may cause intergenerational trauma.
Dr. Prashant Goyal, Senior Consultant, Psychiatry, Sri Balaji Action Medical Institute, Delhi, highlights common causes: unrealistic expectations, communication breakdown, emotional neglect, loss of intimacy, differing values, and resurfaced past trauma. These unresolved issues eventually lead to separation.
“Such behaviours are often rooted in childhood trauma, personality disorders, low emotional regulation, and power control dynamics. When healthy coping mechanisms are absent, people may resort to aggression, manipulation, or violence,” says Dr. Rohit.
Social stigma that still chains women
Empowerment is no longer limited to education and employment. Jameela, a women’s rights activist, shares: “Empowerment is not just having a good education and being employed. Socially, she should be empowered, politically, she should be empowered, and she should have her say in every sphere.”
She recounts her early experiences working with women: “I asked them, how much do you suffer in your life? They said, as many stars in the sky, so much violence we have in our lives.” Earlier, women accepted patriarchal norms and had no self-respect. Today, they are questioning the system.
“The reason people are walking out of marriages? Too much violence! The corporate world is stressful, relationships get disturbed. It’s difficult to maintain families,” says Jameela.
Despite awareness of rights, societal honour often pulls women back into abusive relationships. “Even today, the community doesn’t accept single women. Though capitalism and globalisation are here, gender equality is not,” Jameela notes. “As long as men view women as sex objects, violence continues.”
She adds, “The concept of a good woman is someone who works 24/7 for the family. The bad woman is one who enjoys her life. So we prefer to be the bad women.”
When men are victims too!
Men face emotional and physical abuse, too, but their voices often go unheard. Shonee Kapoor, a leading men’s rights activist, states: “There is no mechanism to report. Even if he goes to a police station, there is no section to register a complaint. No data is kept.”
He also highlights bias in the legal system: “The biggest gap is that only one gender is presumed guilty. The law doesn’t assume that women can be perpetrators.”
Kapoor suggests two solutions: “Make benevolent provisions gender-neutral and add a strong misuse clause. If these two things are done, the rot will stop.”
He adds that generational mindsets take time to shift: “It’ll take at least three to four generations for real change. We’ve been fed for decades that males have to behave a certain way.”
He warns that generalising statements like “all men” alienate those who are trying to do better, which leads to emotional shutdown and a breakdown in dialogue.
Legal imbalance in marital disputes
Advocate Ramesh from Telangana High Court points out that legal provisions overwhelmingly favour women. “Article 14 states the law is equal for everyone. So why are there only helpline centres for women, and not for men?”
“There’s a PoSH Act for women in the corporate world, but what about men?” he asks. “The man is under financial pressure, family matters, kids’ fees—there is no help centre for him.”
The legal system often excuses female offenders in matrimonial crimes. “The court finds she’s guilty but says ‘let’s not punish her.’ What more can we observe?”
Ramesh also explains why divorce rates are increasing: “India believes in tradition, but there’s no mutual understanding, no private time, illegal relationships, and no financial planning. All of this leads to arguments.”
According to him, cruelty and adultery are the top two reasons in 90% of divorce cases.
He adds, “There are cases where women file false rape charges. The man remains in jail for years and is acquitted without compensation. This isn’t an isolated incident.”
The cultural evolution of marriage is bringing deep shifts in social attitudes, emotional expectations, and legal understanding. Yet, both men and women feel unheard in different ways. While women are learning to challenge long-standing norms, men are often struggling silently within a system that doesn’t account for their suffering.
What remains clear is this: to create truly safe, respectful, and equal partnerships, we must confront not just laws but also cultural mindsets that shape them.
