We may often wonder why women don’t leave their abusive marriages once they learn that their partner may not be the ideal one for them. Clearly there are various societal pressures that keep them bound and trapped. Societal factors is a major contributor to keeping several abusive marriages voiceless.
One can commonly relate societal factors and abusive marriages with that the story of ‘The Frog in Hot Water’. The moral of the story is, a frog, when kept in a vessel filled with water which gradually keeps rising in temperature over the stove, makes the frog feel that it can endure the increasing heat slowly and steadily.
But, in the end, it loses its ability to jump out of the vessel in time and boils down to death. That’s pretty much what the external environment or society does to victims in an abusive marriage.
Let’s understand the common societal factors that constrain women from leaving abusive marriages:
Low self-esteem and Low education/ income: Enough data shows that low education, low levels of income and low self-esteem are one of the factors that keep women or men trapped in abusive marriages. Economic freedom is a large factor in allowing women their freedom and having higher self-esteem. However, in the absence of economic stability they are more likely to feel dependent and unable to find a voice that will be heard by family, relatives or neighbors.
The young age of marriage, self-blame: If the woman gets married at a tender age, they are kept bound to carry out household chores and have limited or no access to the outside world and its immense opportunities.
If it is dinned into her from an early age that her priorities don’t matter and her husband, his family come first and she must keep them happy, the girl has little chance of understanding when she is being wronged. If she is abused chances are high that she will see it as a reflection of her personal failure and lead to self-blame rather than recognizing that she is the abused one
Unrealistic Societal Expectations: Societal expectations from women are vastly unrealistic. She is expected to have no voice, no opinions, no desires and it is expected that she should be happy in her own home and kitchen. As a wife, she is expected to serve her husband, preparing food, clothing and other personal needs.
As a mother, she has to take care of the children and their needs, including education. What is not part of the equation is being kind, loving, affectionate, and respectful. And what is worse is that is considered and recognized as acceptable norm.
Witnesses aggressive or delinquent behavior within the family, Anger and hostility: If a woman has grown up seeing and witnessing abuse, drunken or delinquent behavior in her family she is attune to thinking of it as normal and usual. If she witnesses male members of family being disrespectful and entitled towards the women in the family, then it is seen as an acceptable norm and not an aberration.
Belief in strict gender roles: Discrimination and one of its reasons is underlying definitions of gender roles and their resultant restrictions. Gender roles often result in a confining of women to stereotypical norms of masculine ideology, resulting in a limiting of one’s behavior, personal potential, and human freedom.
Gender roles are characteristics and behaviors that are socially constructed and the woman is the nurturer whose role is restricted to the house while the man is the bread earner. These roles are limiting and do not allow a woman to explore options of freedom and a right to a better life.
Several other societal factors keep women tied in abusive relationships like – Cultural norms that support aggression toward others, especially the woman, societal income inequality, weak health, educational, economic, and social policies or laws, etc.
It is never too late to jump out of the vicious circle of being trapped in an abusive marriage while tending to societal factors. One needs to set yourself on the path to freedown well in time instead of succumbing to societal norms against women.
Ms. Kanchan Bhaskar, Author of the book Leaving – How I set myself free from an abusive marriage.
