The act of phubbing may appear to be a relatively harmless, if unpleasant, aspect of modern living, but research suggests that it may be harming your relationships. To understand what exactly phubbing is, The Pioneer’s Tejal Sinha connects with experts to bring you a detailed analysis of the same.
The digital era has brought humans closer to their smartphones than to the people around them. Many of us have become so dependent on our phones that we keep checking them, even when there are no notifications.
On the other hand, when we go out, many people end up spending much of their time browsing their social media or doing other stuff, making the other person feel lonely. Well, that is what is called phubbing. To make it simple, phubbing is the act of ignoring an in-person conversation in favour of your phone. Simply put, it’s phone snubbing.
According to a study, more than 17 percent of people phub others at least four times a day. Almost 32 percent of people report being phubbed two to three times a day.While the behaviour may not appear to be a significant concern, research reveals that it may be harming your relationships as well as your mental health.
Ridha Shah, a relationship expert and mental health professional, shares, “While the behaviour may not appear to be a significant concern, research reveals that it may be harming your relationships as well as your mental health.Phubbing interferes with your capacity to be present and interact with those around you. Texting while having a face-to-face conversation made the encounter less pleasurable for everyone involved, including the guilty phubber.”
Phubbing and smartphone use might also have a negative impact on marriages. According to one study, phubbing reduces marital pleasure. These concerns were fueled by disagreements over phone usage. Another study discovered that couples who phub each other have higher risks of depression.
Phubbing not only ends up affecting one’s relationship but also affects the person’s mental health, not only the phubber but also the one on the receiving end.People who viewed simulated snubbing felt more negatively about the interaction when they were told to imagine being the person phubbed than when they were not asked that.What’s the driving force behind those emotions? Clinical psychologist Kalpana Sreedhar highlights that phubbing is a danger to four fundamental needs, which include:
l Belongingness l Self-esteem l Meaningful existence l Control
“You may feel rejected, ostracised, and unimportant when someone phubs you. This can have serious consequences for your mental health. People who have been phubbed are more likely to reach for their phones and attempt to engage with their social media network to fill the hole.This is the beginning of a vicious cycle.
Furthermore, engaging in social media may exacerbate the problem. Social media may be harmful to your mental health. Social media can exacerbate depressive symptoms, and the more you use it, the more likely you are to experience despair or anxiety,” explains Kalpana.
Our experts share with us the signs to recognise if you may be a phubber
You have two talks going on at the same time, one on the phone and one in person. You instantly pull out your phone at dinner or other social gatherings. Putting your phone next to your plate “just in case” is a clue that you’ll be phubbing shortly. You can’t eat a meal without looking at your phone.
If you realise that you are one of the phubbers, here are some ways to stop phubbing
If the thought of giving up social media makes you uncomfortable and a bit queasy, you’re not alone. According to one study, the desire to check social media outweighs the desire for sex. That doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to check in on social media without scrolling endlessly.
Make meals a phone-free zone. Put your phone away when it’s time to eat, no matter where you are. If the distant hum of notifications is too distracting, set your phone to “do not disturb” mode as well.
Leave your phone behind. You may feel as if you’ve lost a limb, but don’t be scared to just leave your phone in your car, desk drawer, or purse. Whatever warnings or updates occur, they will be available to you afterwards.
Challenge yourself: Everyone appreciates a small gift every now and then. Make it difficult to ignore your phone. Keep track of the meals and hours you spend away from your phone. After completing a goal, reward yourself and then challenge yourself again.
If you’re trying to help a loved one stop phubbing, here are three steps to get you started
Be a better role model: Set a good example if you want to silently persuade the chronic phubber to stop. When you’re sitting on the couch, put your phone aside. During a date, do not encourage them to show you something on their phone. Pay attention to the other people at the table. They’ll get the message eventually.
Call them out. Nothing beats tough love. Inform someone you routinely interact with if they have a propensity for phubbing. In either case, tell them you don’t like it and then assist them in developing better habits.
Be sympathetic: Phubbing is not a true addiction; it is an impulse control issue. Impulses and ingrained behaviours take time to break, so be patient and understanding while also being tough.
Wondering when to seek help? experts’ suggestion
Checking your phone repeatedly can become an uncontrollable impulse. If you are having difficulty breaking the cycle, you should consult with a therapist or psychologist. They can assist you in learning to refocus your energies. They can also assist you in determining why you developed this need in the first place.
Many people use social media as an escape or a way to unwind at the end of the day. However, it may soon become a problem.
Social media may exacerbate depression and poor self-esteem problems. A therapist can assist you in understanding these concerns and working to change your response to them so that you are less reliant on your phone.
