One day, a couple with issues related to difficulty having sexual intercourse after being married for seven years, reached out to a counsellor. The husband avoided looking at the counsellor and the wife was extremely anxious to open up about her issue. She said, “I’m scared to do it.” It was then that the mental health expert asked her if she had given it a try and she replied, “No.” After the assessment, she was ruled out for vaginismus (a condition that makes it painful and uncomfortable for women to have sexual intercourse); rather, it was due to her fear stemming from conversations she had with her friends before marriage. She believed that sex would be extremely uncomfortable and that it would lead to pain and bleeding. In similar contexts, there have been many cases of couples coming with different explanations for avoiding intercourse, with the reason often being one: no proper sex education.
In India, many young women and men engage in unhealthy sexual activity without taking cautionary steps. The only instruction women receive before entering their auspicious first night is, “Do what he says.” This creates a sense of confusion, uncertainty and neglect of marital rape! Women have also been told not to express their needs, and asking for it is considered shameful. The result of this secret suffering is an epidemic of women experiencing no sexual pleasure in relationships and men feeling shame, eventually leading to the complete avoidance of sexual activities.
This brings us to the discussion of rendering the right information for young men and women to understand their bodies and respect them in the right way. There have been cases of many young women falling into unhealthy attachment patterns and impulsive sexual behaviours to be loved and seen. The generational trauma and lack of self-esteem lead women to completely neglect their bodies for temporary pleasure. Instead of avoiding the ‘sex talk,’ engage with your children to understand their uncertainties and confusions. Unfortunately, the current source of knowledge is often porn, which gives rise to unrealistic standards and expectations.
Couples face issues of lack of libido, discomfort, pain and difficulty in erection. A young man from Bihar once reported having anxiety issues due to a lack of erection. When asked about his issue, he mentioned that his erection issue was a consequence of masturbation. The lack of awareness affects not just their sexual performance but also their overall sense of self and well-being. In another case, a couple couldn’t conceive naturally and wanted to proceed with fertility treatment. After evaluation, it was found that they weren’t trying the right position during intercourse and hence couldn’t conceive. They were completely oblivious about the whole process of sex. These incidents don’t just highlight the scope of the issue at hand but also the unspoken pain and confusion among these people.
There has been a dire need of attention to be given to awareness and education about sexual issues, along with providing psychological support for couples undergoing sexual problems. This can be achieved through anonymous help-seeking mediums or platforms producing educational content. It is also important to provide accurate information on major media platforms to support individuals seeking help. This is why it’s encouraged to use technological support to reach experts through their phones at their comfort. Nowadays, 24/7 support has become commonly available at no cost and consultations are provided at a subsidised cost. It is important to promote such educational and service-oriented healthcare platforms to the public.
There are many women-oriented platforms providing consultation and free educational resources for sexual wellness awareness. Applications like coto, Practo and Cult Fit bring sexual experts to help individuals with psychological, sexual and fertility-related therapeutic counseling. Platforms like Rocket Health provide individual psychotherapy and sexual wellness consultations online at your convenience. Most women do not understand that libido depends on foreplay, communication, and relationship intimacy. Women who have been married for many years often come with issues of difficulty in climaxing. This is due to the psychological mindset of ignoring one’s needs or not expressing their individual needs to their partner, which often leads to suppression and eventually avoidance.
Additionally, statistics reveal a 30% to 90% range of sexual dysfunctions among the general public, especially in India. The openness to talk about such issues, even with a healthcare provider, is a major struggle for couples. If many people are suffering silently, it is time to explicitly normalise the conversation through media platforms. This isn’t an illness; it is an epidemic. If we do not help young people navigate their sexuality in a healthier way, we will see more people living in fear.
(The author, Mary Ann S, is a Psychologist and Sexual Health Expert at coto.)
