Dil Se : A proud mama’s girl

From being a diffident teenager to keeping her sanity amid ridicule by naysayers while learning the ropes on the small screen to conquering the hearts of audience with her stupendous performances in films like RX100 and Anaganaga O Athidhi, actress Payal Rajput has attained rare stardom in the Telugu-speaking states. Prior to getting a break in films, she had proved her skills on the small screen.

In a short period, she could win people’s hearts by her sheer ability to be relatable on screen. In a free-wheeling conversation with The Pioneer’s Amartya Smaran, she recounts some of the struggles she had to endure before finding her feet in the industry. The bubbling star unabashedly shared some intimate details of her life and career for the very first time, while shedding light on the harsh nature of the industry.

Shift to Mumbai

My mother would send me around Rs 2,500 per month for my expenses. That was too less and everywhere I looked around, there were all these filthy rich kids.I made up my mind to not ask for money from home. During my second year at college, I started taking up anchoring projects to fund myself. I worked so hard for two years that I collected around Rs 1 lakh.

After this phase of my life, my mother asked me to spell out what I wanted to do next. I said: “I want to move to Mumbai”. She started crying.

Eventually, she allowed me to move to the City of Dreams. At last, in 2013, I moved to Mumbai and checked into a Girls’ Hostel, where eight other girls were staying at that point of time. That is how my journey started.

Affinity for Indian soaps

This might sound absurd, but I never wanted to be a part of the movies as I was really happy with my roles in television serials. I always wanted to be this “Achi khasi bahu’ (a good daughter-in-law) on the small screen. I was so inspired by ‘Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi’ that I wanted to be a household name. People from middle class households have this habit of gathering around in their colony or street after dinner and discussing scenes from the serials. So, I always wanted my name to pop up in such discussions. Television has been very close to my heart. I have since groomed myself as an actor for the big screen. Today, when people like Allu Arjun garu and some of the big names in the industry appreciate me for my work, I feel immense grateful to the television industry.

The struggle

I gave one of my first auditions for one of the biggest production houses at the time. I was then 21 years old. You won’t believe it; I was faced with a major challenge of playing a 40-year-old character. When they asked me if I had ever been part of a professional acting course or some such thing, I said no!  But I told them I could imitate Kareena Kapoor. For, I had grown up watching Kareena Kapoor — my idol and main source of inspiration.

They were really impressed with my mimicking Kareena Kapoor, but ended up saying no. In order to find work, I used to give around five to six auditions in a day. As a result, my health took a beating. The thing with the industry is that it is really difficult to fit in and there was no one to guide me.

Luckily I was surrounded by some good friends who advised me to hit the gym. So, I joined a gym, enrolled myself in dance classes, and participated in a lot of things. Things started falling in place within seven days and I got selected for the Master Chef India promo. I got paid around Rs 7,000 for it and on the 15th day, I got selected for a Star Plus serial. That way, I consider myself blessed. Since I am an introvert, I had a lot of trouble working my way through the people on the sets. There were times when directors would try their level best to irritate me. But I took all those bitter moments in my stride and focused my energy in the right direction.

That helped me learn acting on the job. I was appreciated for my work and I received my first ever big paycheck for Rs 1, 50,000. The very next month I received a cheque for Rs 1, 75, 000. All this money was flowing in and I was thinking to myself, Payal, there was a time when you could not buy a chocolate. That is how my initial struggle ended. There has been no looking back since then.  

Film debut

In 2016, Zee TV threw me out of their show. Their reason was that I was too tall, chubby, and huge for the character. I was extremely angry that they were citing all these lame reasons to not cast me in the role. During that period, my attitude was really not all that great because I was not finding work, with almost everyone giving me preposterous reasons like ‘your face is too squarish’ or ‘your are too huge for the role’, this and that. Amidst all this, I was being considered for Pankaj Batra’s Chenna Mereya and they kept me on hold for three months. One day I told the director to take me for my craft, adding: ‘If you don’t like it, it is alright’. He liked that ‘I don’t care a damn’ attitude. The film was a big hit in Punjab and I got my first Filmfare Award for that role. That award was my reply to all those naysayers.

Break

In 2018, while I was shooting in Punjab, I got a call from the makers of RX100 for an audition. Even though I am terrible with recording things, I somehow managed to give the audition. Then I flew to Hyderabad to meet the cast and crew. They were all wonderful. My confidence started to come back. I was confronted by this two-page script completely in Telugu. I was really perplexed at not knowing the language, so I asked Ajay sir if it would be okay to say those lines in Hindi. Then, he told my manager that he was doubtful if I would be able to pull off the role. I asked him for one chance and performed one of the most crucial scenes in the film. He ended up loving it and there I was playing the lead in RX100. The film completely changed my life. It established me as one of the prominent actors in the industry.

RDX Love: The wrong move

There is no doubt in saying that RDX Love was one of my most ambitious projects. Now, when I look back, I really wish someone would have guided me because things would have been so different. I was promised something great and in return I was let down by the film. There is one song in the film that objectified me and I can say that it ruined my entire career.

Passion is therapy

My driving force is my passion. I agree that I am an introvert. Still, I go to parties, meet people, and try to be sociable because it is a part of my job. The only thing that keeps me going is my love for acting, and how comfortable I feel when I am on camera. I am a different person when the camera switches on. I fear nothing because I know that is my zone. After so many years, I am getting better at being sociable. I have now made peace with myself.

Childhood and guiding force

I was born and raised in Delhi from the age of four years by a single mother.  I had a difficult childhood. Although my parents are on good terms now, for over 25 years I grew up under the watch of only my protective, loving mother. It was inspiring to see my mother handle things and tackle situations with great courage. As a kid, I lacked confidence and my teachers used to scold me a lot. That was a very difficult period for me.

My mom sensed that something was wrong with me as I was drifting. When she asked me pointedly what I wanted to become in life, I told her that I was scared and simply lacked confidence to pick a goal in life. At that point, she said: ‘Why don’t you consider me as your best friend and talk to me openly about it?’ Somewhere deep down I was fixated on the idea of becoming an actor. So, I told her: ‘I just want to be famous’. Later, she put me in the Jagannath Institute of Management Sciences, where I studied Mass Communication and Journalism.The programme offered courses on Television, radio, and acting. The environment on the campus gave me all the confidence I required to put myself on the right track.

Top three acting idols:

Irrfan Khan, Nawazuddin Siddique and Radhika Apte
Dream role:

If given a chance in Telugu, I would love to do something like Jab We Met.
A compliment that you can’t forget
in life:

‘You are the best when it comes to acting’. When people appreciate me for acting, it gives me a high.

Most remarkable moment in life:

When RX100 released — on July 12, 2018. My mom was sitting right beside me and I could feel how proud she was of me.

Top three dishes:

Rajma rice, bisi bela bath, and masala ghee dosa from Varalakshmi tiffins, Hyderabad.

Country that you would like to visit:

My birthday is around the corner so I am planning to visit either Spain or Dubai.

One thing that you hate about human beings:

Overthinking is something that I don’t like. I think it has a negative impact on life.If you would have to describe yourself in one word,

what would it be: Courageous
What is love according to you:

Love comes with lots of responsibilities. Love is nothing but friendship in its purest form. If you are not good friends, you can’t be good lovers.
What are your retirement goals?

I want to work till my last breath. I have no plans to retire.

What would you say about your darling mother?

She sacrificed everything for us. Now, it is my time. I am making her proud each and every day. I promised her that I would take her on a world tour. Whenever I take her to any of my interviews or movie premiers, I love it when she says:”She is my girl”. That makes me really happy.