Big plans and lavish dates appear to be becoming less common as Indian singles turn to casual encounters and discover love in the ordinary, reveals a recent study. This trend, known as mundane dating, has been on the rise. So this week, The Pioneer’s Subodhini Purohit brings a detailed analysis of the reasons why the trend is on the rise.
Grand gestures and lavish dates are becoming less and less popular in the world of modern romance as more practical methods of finding love take their place. Bumble’s recent study provides insight into this changing trend in Indian dating! Known as “mundane dating,” this tendency is characterised by singles who value ordinary encounters above elaborate trips, finding happiness in the comforts of familiar surroundings and routines. The emerging trend of mundane dating serves as clear evidence of our simple human desires for love, care, and understanding.
Mundane dating is a growing trend wherein individuals prioritise genuine connections and companionship over lavish experiences or material possessions in their romantic endeavours. It emphasises authenticity, simplicity, and shared moments over flashy displays or superficial attractions. In this approach, the primary focus is on fostering deep emotional bonds and understanding between partners rather than chasing after extravagant activities.
According to Bumble, a well-known dating app, there’s been a noticeable rise in the popularity of this trend. In a recent survey, 74% of single Indians expressed a preference for simple, everyday experiences over extravagant ones. Interestingly, this preference is even more pronounced among women, with 82% favouring mundane encounters, compared to 77% of men in India. Let’s have a deeper look at how and why mundane dating is on the rise.
Deepti Janga, a life coach from Hyderabad, explains, “The stressful and fast pace of life is making one lose interest in elaborate dates. As I reminisce about my childhood, life seemed to move at a slower pace, allowing for moments of reflection and simplicity. However, as I grew older, the pace accelerated, consumed by the demands of education and coaching, leaving little room for personal connections or leisurely activities like movie nights.”
One of William Wordsworth’s quotes that touches on the theme of love and kindness says, “The best portion of a good man’s life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.” This quote highlights the value of these small acts of kindness and love. The phrase “little, nameless, unremembered acts” suggests that these acts are not grand or flashy, nor are they performed for recognition or praise. Deepti Janga further expresses, “In today’s fast-paced world, we’re swept up in the frenzy, often neglecting the emotions and well-being of others, driven by the pursuit of instant gratification fuelled by social media validation and transactional relationships. The relentless pursuit of education and career advancement has left little room for familial responsibilities, resulting in jam-packed schedules and a scarcity of time for genuine human connections. Finding romance in daily life is all about perspective; the ability to find joy in life’s simple pleasures sets the stage for appreciating even the grandest experiences.”
Whether it’s a gentle touch, a heartfelt smile, or a listening ear, these gestures have the power to uplift spirits, strengthen bonds, and convey love and empathy. The poet Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi shared, “Silence is the language of God; all else is poor translation. These quiet moments of connection transcend words, speaking volumes about the depth of our relationships and the beauty of human connection.”
Financial considerations significantly impact dating preferences, often leading people to favour casual outings over elaborate ones. In an era where economic uncertainty is prevalent, many individuals prioritise financial stability and responsible spending. Elaborate dates, such as fancy dinners or adventurous activities, can incur significant costs, including reservations, tickets, and transportation expenses. As a result, opting for casual dates that require minimal financial investment becomes a practical choice for many. Partners can indulge in activities that are affordable, and together they can kill boredom. Recent research has found that people may have an inherent psychological need for variety and novelty, which explains why boring relationships can be challenging. Deepti recalls the same: “I recall a time shortly after our marriage when financial constraints limited our options for extravagant outings. Yet, the intimacy of sharing a candlelit dinner on our balcony, with my partner’s attentive gestures and infectious laughter, made those moments feel incredibly romantic. It’s the mindset of both partners that determines the level of romance in any situation; for us, even a cup of coffee shared with love and laughter holds immense significance. Witnessing the effort my husband puts into brewing that cup, and the spontaneous joy that arises from our shared banter, often trumps the allure of exotic destinations. In the end, it’s the connection and genuine enjoyment of each other’s company that truly matter.”
Shared interests play a significant role in mundane dating, contributing to the simplicity and authenticity of the experiences shared between partners. When individuals engage in activities they both enjoy, whether it’s exploring nature, trying new recipes, or attending local events, they foster a deeper connection based on mutual enjoyment and understanding. Research suggests that shared activities can be an effective way to combat boredom in relationships. For example, one study found that couples who tried a four-week online intervention to increase relationship excitement reported feeling greater excitement and relationship satisfaction four months later. Mundane dating allows couples to bond over everyday experiences, strengthening their relationship through shared interests and meaningful interactions. As poet Rumi beautifully expressed, “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you love. It will not lead you astray. In essence, embracing shared interests in mundane dating cultivates a sense of companionship and fulfillment, enriching the relationship beyond superficial attractions or extravagant outings.”
Deep within us all lies a yearning for companionship—a desire to be understood, admired, and loved unconditionally. This longing transcends mere surface interactions, encompassing the profound connection that comes from being truly seen and appreciated for who we are and accepted with our flaws. Companionship is at the heart of mundane dating, shaping the essence of shared experiences and everyday moments. In the simplicity of mundane dating encounters like a leisurely walk or a quiet evening at home, couples find solace in each other’s company, deepening their bond through genuine connection and mutual understanding. Companionship thrives in the absence of extravagance, flourishing in the warmth of shared laughter, quiet conversations, and the comfort of being together. “I value simplicity over extravagance, prioritising meaningful connections and quality time with my partner. For me, the essence of dating lies not in lavish gestures but in the emotional resonance and shared happiness found in simple pleasures. In this fast-paced world, genuine connection and heartfelt conversations take precedence over elaborate outings,” shares Paviki, who is an avid observer of this fascinating trend nowadays.
Modern daters are increasingly inclined towards convenience over effort, according to Neha Tekchandani, another user who is into mundane dating. “I observe a trend where people prioritise quick and easy ways to connect with others, leading to a decline in dating standards. Lavish dates, once seen as a gesture of effort and thoughtfulness, are now overshadowed by the preference for casual outings. This shift signifies a broader cultural trend where minimal effort is deemed acceptable in romantic pursuits. As the focus shifts from elaborate gestures to simplicity, the art of planning and executing memorable dates is being overlooked. Ultimately, this trend reflects a societal shift towards prioritising convenience and instant gratification in relationships.”
Kavita Panyam, a counselling psychologist specialising in co-dependency recovery and director of Mind Suggest Wellness Center [founder], says, “In contemporary Gen-Z dating culture, there’s a noticeable trend towards casual encounters and non-committal relationships. The dating process can be seen as having three stages:
Initial interaction: This stage involves sharing likes, dislikes, and personal interests.
Deeper connection: Conversations become more intimate, discussing family, health, and expectations from each other.
Commitment: The final stage is where a couple officially forms.
“Parallel to traditional dating, a concept known as ‘Friends with Benefits’ (FWB) has emerged. In FWB, individuals engage in sexual activities without the obligations of a romantic relationship, offering convenience and freedom from commitment. Co-dependent relationships often begin with intense attraction but may lead to disappointment if one partner tries to mold the other into their ideal. Such relationships can escalate quickly, which is generally considered unhealthy. In contrast, healthy relationships involve negotiation and acceptance of each other’s flaws. Social media serves as a coping mechanism for many, but it can also lead to content fatigue, prompting some to disconnect. In today’s busy world, dedicating time to someone is a significant gesture. Each person has their own ‘love language’—some may bond over cooking or movies, while others might find joy in shared daily routines like making breakfast together. Time is a valuable commodity, and investing it in a relationship signifies commitment. It’s about balancing ‘you’ (individuality) and ‘us’ (partnership), understanding that both will evolve as people change over time. Therefore, one-on-one time is crucial in nurturing a relationship.”
Research suggests that a strategy known as cognitive reappraisal can change how people think about love and their relationships. This process involves interpreting situations in different ways to change how you think and feel about them. With this strategy, you might focus on looking at your partner’s positive qualities and thinking about how those characteristics contribute to your relationship.
