Societal expectations surrounding motherhood have evolved over time, shaping perceptions and influencing individual choices. Romanticizing motherhood often entails portraying it as an idyllic and fulfilling experience, contributing to the notion that it is a natural and essential aspect of womanhood. Consequently, women who choose not to become mothers, either by choice or circumstance, may face societal pressures and implicit guilt.
Shedding light on the same, Gunjan Adya, a therapist, shares: “The romanticization of motherhood can create a normative framework that reinforces traditional gender roles, defining a woman’s worth primarily through her role as a mother. This can lead to a sense of guilt or inadequacy for those who deviate from this societal script. The pressure to conform to conventional expectations can manifest in awkward queries, such as: ‘When are you planning to have children?’ or ‘Don’t you want to experience the joy of motherhood?’ These questions may unintentionally perpetuate the idea that not becoming a parent is an anomaly, fostering a sense of alienation for those who have made different life choices. It is essential to recognize that such inquiries stem from ingrained societal beliefs rather than genuine curiosity. Encouraging a more inclusive and understanding discourse can help dismantle these stereotypes, fostering an environment where individual choices are respected, and women are not defined solely by their reproductive decisions.”
Renowned feminist writer Urvashi Butalia, who is currently single, delved into the complexities faced by Indian women who consciously decide against motherhood in a poignant essay this year. In her thought-provoking piece, Butalia questioned societal norms that often label childless couples or women unable to bear children as ‘barren’.”
“How often have we heard that a couple is childless, that a woman who cannot bear a child is defined as barren. Why should this be? I did not make a choice not to have children, but that’s how my life panned out.
“I don’t feel a sense of loss at this, my life has been fulfilling in so many other ways. Why should I have to define it in terms of a lack? Am I a barren woman? I can’t square this with what I know of myself.”
In many societies, including certain segments of Indian culture, women often find that their societal worth is closely tied to fulfilling traditional roles, particularly that of motherhood. The expectation is deeply ingrained that a woman’s respect is earned by successfully managing two crucial responsibilities: bearing children and providing for the family. This emphasis on family and offspring becomes a societal benchmark for measuring a woman’s worth, overshadowing other achievements or aspects of her identity. The pressure to conform to these roles can lead to a narrow definition of success for women, reinforcing the notion that their value is contingent upon their role as mothers. This societal perspective not only influences individual perceptions but also contributes to the challenges faced by women who choose alternative paths or face difficulties in conceiving. The struggle to be respected outside of these predefined roles remains a poignant aspect of the broader discourse on gender expectations and societal norms.
In the context of societal expectations surrounding motherhood, the pressure on women to conform to traditional roles becomes even more pronounced when faced with challenges in conceiving naturally.
As Prakash Singh, who runs a fertility treatment clinic in Hyderabad, indicates, there is a significant increase, ranging from 30-40%, in couples aged above 45 seeking fertility treatments to fulfill the societal imperative of having their biological child. The desire to adhere to conventional norms often compels individuals to pursue assisted reproductive technologies despite the associated high risks and complexities. The choice to undergo fertility treatments underscores the extent to which societal expectations influence personal decisions, emphasizing the paramount importance placed on biological motherhood as a means to garner respect and fulfill one’s societal role. This dynamic adds an additional layer to the complex interplay between traditional expectations, reproductive choices, and the pursuit of societal validation for women.
In conclusion, as millennial women redefine family planning based on career goals, financial considerations, and changing perspectives, societal expectations and the romanticization of motherhood persist much to their chagrin. The key to shape a more acceptable future lies in embracing diverse paths to fulfillment. The focus should shift from predefined roles to celebrating individual choices, fostering autonomy, and dismantling stereotypes. In doing so, society can evolve toward a more progressive and empathetic understanding of success and fulfillment.
